So here's what happened...

My last post was a tad brief, so, even though "brevity is the soul of all wit," here's a better explanation of what happened.

I was extremely confident coming into critique on Tuesday. I felt like I had a unique design and a unique rationale for the decisions I made. Anyone from studio who reads this, please do not take offense. In no way am I trying to say that other projects were bad, because they weren't. I simply feel that my concept stood out in that its sustainability was not something that you could only talk about or just slapped on for decoration. I did not present a computer that happened to be part of a sustainable system or had regular materials replaced by recyclable ones. Sustainability was the at the soul of my project and was instantly recognizable by the consumer.

I have always been comfortable presenting my work and, due to what I felt was a unique perspective on a computer's sustainability, this project was no different. I feel like I was clear and succinct in my delivery, and was well prepared for the questions to come. When they did come, however, I was not given a fair opportunity to justify my decisions. Granted, because I knew these questions were coming I could have tried to illustrate them more clearly, but I felt confident in my ability to explain them.

Such was not the case. I spent the majority of my critique time going back and forth, courteously, with one person. He misunderstood what I had said; thus, I misunderstood what he had asked. Once it was cleared up and I began to answer his questions, he interrupted me. Not once or twice but three separate times. In the past I have fallen into the trap of becoming defensive during my critiques, and I took extra care to make sure that it did not happen this time. I had justifications ready, and for some reason he was not interested in hearing them.

This went on for most of my allotted time, leaving roughly 30 seconds for the other four critics to speak. I felt cheated not only out of a genuine critique, but also out of my entire presentation. I was not able to expound on my major talking points due to the disrespect of one individual. It is one thing to do poor work and be called out on it. It is quite another to be well prepared and made to look as if I did poor work.

We soon took a break. I went for a walk. The best way to describe my emotional state was "rage pissed." I was punching walls, swearing under my breath and completely devastated. What I didn't realize until later was that "my" critic was not from HP. I missed introduction because my model, which had been completed four days earlier, decided to break three times that morning. I was relieved that our sponsors were not the ones responsible for debasing my presentation, but, again, I felt cheated out of the opinions I really cared about.

Shit happens. This is last round of bitching you will hear from me. I hate to lose, and this project now looms as a large mark in that column.

Tomorrow, now yesterday, was indeed another day, and some of the pain has lifted. As with all deep wounds, however, I'm not sure this will ever heal completely.